In two words: understand scolding. To scold is to tell someone angrily what they have done wrong. The key words here are ‘angrily’ and ‘wrong’.
Why is the scolder angry? Chances are it is because what you have done is not according to what they want. They have expectations and their expectations are not met. For your mother, tidy means clothes folded neatly in the cupboard, books arranged and other things put away. For you, you think there is no problem as long as you know where you put things and you can find them easily. So she scolds you, “I’ve told you a hundred times to put your things away!” Obviously, she has been counting how many times she has told you. So, one problem is the definition of ‘wrong’. What is wrong for one person may not be wrong for another.
Often a scolding is justified. You have done something wrong and so you are scolded. However, a scolder is not wise if they are scolding purely out of anger. In this case, the scolder is just getting rid of emotions – maybe because of a bad mood brought on by something which happened earlier, like quarrelling with a friend or even being scolded by another. Emotion has taken over the scolder.
When you see someone doing something wrong, teach that person to do the right thing – advise, suggest, show, explain, help. Using a harsh tone is natural but unnecessary. Scolding with harsh words may solve the problem but it leaves a lot of negative feelings behind. If you stop for just a moment to think, you will see several ways to solve the problem. Choose the kindest way.
Does this mean we should always be calm and kind? Are we supposed to be like a saint? Yes and no.
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